Destined For A Second Chance...
I found myself waking up from the glare of the light that came rushing through my eastern window accompanied by a gentle morning breeze. The scent of a new day- much needed and yet dreaded at the same time. My head was still pounding out the island music from last night; still dizzy from the Caribbean mixes that my friend girl, Jenn created off the top of her silly little head. I was slammed; Not wanting to face the day, unless it was spent throwing up what I ingested yesterday. I pulled in as many pillows as I could in one swoop as I rolled over to suffocate my miserable soul. I covered my face, took a deep breath, and realized that there was no use in knocking myself off- I kinda' like me! This was despite the excessive consumption of food and alcohol that could have caused internal damages.
I had a perfectly reasonable excuse for my prior actions that led up to this moment of headache and nausea. It was the 6th month anniversary of my being single and the 3rd month of celibacy. Well, technically- it would be 3 months for both. The fact is is that when me and my ex split- we were still intimate, even more so after we split up than when were in the relationship. It was as if we wanted to give each other something to remember. You know, sorta go out with a big bang. Boy, did we bang! Just like all fireworks after the main event, things faded and we decided to stop confusing the situation any further and allow each other the space it took to move on with our lives. Thus, leaving me in the dilemma I'm currently in: SINGLE - HUNGOVER- HORNY- and above all.... LONELY.
Bret was one of those guys that everyone who knew you wanted in their lives. He was charming, sensitive, openly affectionate and could make just about anyone laugh. We sorta met by accident; even though, now I don't believe in such a thing as accidents. To make a long story short, we were together for four years after we first set eyes on each other. Three of those years was spent living together here in this loft; leading to the tragic ending of a pretty great relationship. He and I had a weird way of expressing our love for one another and when he wanted to take it further, it seemed impossible to me to do so without creating an awkward situation for the both of us.
See, I'm the VP of my fashion design company of 6 years and marriage just wasn't in my life's plans at such an early time. Bret, on the other hand, wanted to settle down and create a family that I couldn't imagine myself having so prematurely. We decided that since we were on two different routes to fulfill our desires, that it would be best if we just went our separate ways and not cause anymore damage to either of our egos. All it seemed to be was constant debates about the future and what we both wanted that with each other we couldn't seem to have.
I still love him... I often think about how things would have been if I had agreed to become his wife. He and I were always able to work through our differences with everything else except this one issue. It's as if this one thing meant the world to him and I was too wrapped up in my own world to even consider becoming a permanent part of his. I can say it's my fault. Looking over at his side of the bed or what used to be- I can remember watching him sleep after we've made love. I can still smell him; his aroma is a part of my permanent memories. Every time I close my eyes, I can see recorded imagery of the best of times we've shared. Laughing and interacting with one another. He filled my empty spaces in every way and gave me something to smile about - even when I didn't have a known reason to smile. We could never argue about anything without coming to the conclusion that you can't argue and laugh at the same time. He was always cracking jokes and making faces that made our differences a thing of the past almost instantly. He genuinely adored every inch of me and catered to me in such a way that made my girlfriends envious of me. All my friends were single, and my best friend Jenn was a victim of a horrible marriage that ended in her almost killing her ex-husband in order for her to survive the beatings. I'm scared I guess.
Love was always said to be a hard thing to get and keep. Bret made it the easiest for me. If anything, I made it hard for him to love me... I wonder if I made a mistake. Could he have been the one for me? I mean, I'm still finding myself wanting to be in his arms. I haven't even dated since we decided to call everything off- just couldn't do it. I have commitment on my list of "importunates", and since him, I have never wanted to be committed before. Now, that's all I can think about. If he were here, I would ask him to forgive me, to work with me because I want him in my life for always. I would make sure that his love for me was acknowledged and appreciated each and everyday. My life without him isn't complete, with him away from me. I glanced over at my cell phone to see 3 missed calls. Two was from Jenn and the last was from Bret. How come I didn't hear the phone ring? What in the hell did Jenn put in those mixed drinks? Most importantly, now that I think about it-- How did I get home last night?
I looked to see that the phone was on silent mode. My voicemail box held two messages. The first was from Jenn a lil' over an hour ago. "Girl, I'm glad that you and Bret are trying to work through your differences and you finally stopped being stubborn and decided to let that man love you and be the man he needs to be for you. Don't be missing for the whole weekend. Let me know if he gave you some. Lord knows, you need it. Later sweetness!" So, speechless at the message I had just heard, I missed the automated cue to save or delete the message. The second was from Bret's cell, around midnight last night. "Hey! Shannon, I got your message. I'm just getting off work now. I'm on my way to Jenn's to pick you up. I love you too. I can't stand being apart from you any longer either. I should be there within the next 10-15 minutes. Traffic is a little crazy with this thunderstorm and all. Again, I love you dearly and I'll be there soon." I hung up the phone as quickly as I could and begin to dial Jenn's number to find out if this was a joke or not. Someone was going to get cursed the hell out.
As the phone rang- I rushed to my feet and headed towards my bedroom door. I opened it and as I was coming out, Bret and I collided causing the phone to fly across the room. He was able to catch balance and keep the hot green tea on the tray from burning either of us. He grabbed me with the other arm to keep me from falling flat on the floor. "Wooooeeee! Didn't expect to see you up for a few more hours. Jennevieve told me that you really drank a hell of a lot last night. You called me to come get you- saying that you wanted to talk about giving it another try or---" I stopped him from speaking, placing my hand over his mouth and pulling him back into the bedroom, almost spilling the green tea everywhere. Tears flowing down my face, with my heart in my throat, I looked him straight in his eyes and said "Yes!" He looked at me as if I had made his darkest night light up like the daytime. "Yes, you want to try again; Be friends; What?" No other words could come from me. I held out my hand to him and said once more, "YES!" He reached around his his neck and took off his necklace. When he pulled it from underneath his shirt, it had the rings that he had purchased more than 7 months ago. He almost broke the chain for pulling so hard on the engagement ring that was attached to it. He looked in my eyes, and I in his.
Bret slowly and cautiously slid the ring on my finger. He looked up at me again, as if preparing himself for a tragic event to occur. I saw the pain I caused him with my selfishness. He didn't want to be hurt again. Even though he had been before, by me, he was still willing to offer his love to me despite what happened in the past. "Will You--?" I never allow him to finish. "With all my heart, YES!" He jumped up from the bed and yelled like he had just won the lottery. I just sat looking and loving this man who I had almost lost forever. He reached back and pulled me close to him. I could hear his heart beat ferociously as we shared no words, just the moment. We began to kiss and indulge in the taste of the love we almost didn't have. In my heart, I thanked the Creator for another chance to love Bret.
All that was left to say was I love you, repeatedly; And we did say it, repeatedly. "What happened to the phone?" I turned to see that the phone had landed right next to the bed where I was sitting earlier. "Hello, Jenn?" She was laughing and screaming at the same time. "I'm here girl! Tell Bret that he has to do whatever he's gonna' do. We got some wedding planning to take care of. You two can't hunch all damn day!" I just smiled, looked up and kissed the lips of the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was fortunate to have it all, and to have a second chance to correct the path of a love that could have been lost....
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